• Flood

he beasts will crawl this earth and then fall into the dirt to feel at home. I sit by myself in class, Don't talk to anyone because I don't know anyone. They all have their own lives, y'know. It's not hard, sure it's isolating, but the pressure I put on myself to not be a loner is pretty unnecessary, because I can be happy on my own too. I want to embrace being really happy by myself, and I still feel kinda sad, because I want to talk to my friends about things we like. But sometimes i'm all by myself, with no one else there. To me, there is not much point in trying to make up for an absence after you weren't there when I needed you the most, y'know? I needed you, now I don't really. That's how things go sometimes. Talk to people more? What to talk about? My breath might stink. It's a short elevator ride. They have places to be. I'm not very interesting because we are nothing like each other. I don't have the benefit of you realising how much of a person I am, because you don't give me that chance. It's natural? I ride the train alone. I listen to music and think about stories. I feel sad and nostalgic when I look at video games. I yearn for connection but lack the will to connect. I sleep in my bed alone. I let the AC blast all night while I type away at a laptop. Hoping my words reach someone. I wish it was unconditional. How many people would even read my words if I didn't remind them to? I feel so inauthentic doing that. "Read this" or "What do you think of my thoughts that I wrote down?" I am being vulnerable and selfish. Waiting for a message from someone I don't speak to. Or a "Hey, I was reading your blog and thought that what you were talking about was cool." Is it ego? Is it pride? What keeps me going when I am still insecure, and flawed. What keeps my chest puffed, and my shoulders rolled back? Why do I look at my own reflection and hate what i see, but flex a moment late? A ball of yarn wrapped itself into my skull, with twelve different colours all coming from a single thread. What is going on? And who says I can't use one song twice for a page when it brings the same emotions forward?